How the heck did it get to be November?! Is there really less than 50 days until Christmas? I feel like life has flown these past few months....actually, these past 7.5 months to be specific. I feel like time is getting away from me. I've always heard the saying "Time flies when you are having fun" and never really understood the concept until having a baby. Don't get me wrong, this is definitely the most challenging thing I've ever done, but Chase is so much fun that it makes it all worth it!
I've been torn over wanting him to "grow up" from little dependent baby to one that moves around and holds his own bottle. He is slowly beginning to crawl and I feel an inner pull to yell "stop, don't grow up" every time I cheer him on. I think that babies get more fun with each month as a way to help the parents cope with their little babies growing so quickly! We are really having a good time, too. Chase is so amused by pretty much everything. All we have to do is walk by and it is apparently the most comical thing to have ever happened. Throw a walk by or lick from the dog into the mix and it's flat out hilarious.
I posted on Facebook the other night that I got choked up while reading the book "How Do I Love You" to Chase the other night before bed. I've always been a bit of a sap behind my tough front, but having a baby has shed that tougher layer away and exposed my true inner being and my heart is now completely out on my sleeve. It's amazing how one look, smile, eye contact, etc with this baby can continually make my heart skip a beat and everything inside of me just swells with this overwhelming love, pride and happiness. Having a baby really does change everything, and I'd have a million more if they all brought the same amount of joy to the world as Chase does.
So now we start switching gears from Halloween & Fall and begin heading into the winter time. Daylight Savings is over, it's dark out again at night and that means that Christmas is not too far away. While Chase will have absolutely no idea that Christmas is different than any other day, I am over the moon excited for it. I can't wait to see my bright eyed sweet baby Chase ripping into paper, giggling and shrieking with all the people who love him most in this world. If only I could figure out a way to make Maine & Pennsylvania closer together, we could have our other favorite people in the world with us as well.
Well...off to attempt to get ready for bed before I get sidetracked doing something else. Days go by so quickly. Sometimes to just slow the day down, I will go stand in Chase's room while he is sleeping and watch my beautiful baby just snore away in such a blissful state. I was born to love this baby...what a perfect purpose in life!
Today Matt & I experienced one of our first truly scary moments as parents. Chase fell off of our bed.
Matt was upstairs getting ready for work and I was downstairs before I got ready and so Chase was up with him. Matt needed to iron his pants and placed Chase in the middle of the bed for a moment while he ironed. He turned around for one brief second, and in that second, the now fully mobile baby made his way to the edge of the bed and toppled the several feet down.
I heard a loud crash followed by a heart wrenching scream and I ran up the stairs faster than I have ever moved in my life. Matt was already to Chase and holding him as the reality of what had happened unfolded in my mind. Chase was screaming and crying in a way I have never heard him scream and in that moment I felt like a helpless being, unable to do something immediate other than hold him, that would make him feel better.
We are extremely fortunate that he was not hurt. While I tried to calm him down, Matt called the doctors office to find out what we should do to make sure he was ok. He passed all the "tests" the nurse gave us to see if anything might be wrong and they told us to monitor him and call if anything was wrong.
I think in addition to having my heart break over seeing my baby in a potentially dangerous situation, it also broke my heart to see the instant feeling of guilt that came across Matt's face. I've said before that Matt is the most amazing dad I've ever met, and not surprisingly, he placed immediate blame for this accident on himself and it pained me to see how racked with pain he was.
Of course, it wasn't his fault but he couldn't see that. It could have easily happened to either of us. It's one of those things that makes you realize how quickly babies grow and change. It wasn't that long ago that Chase was a little lump that was swaddled and unable to move. Now he is near crawling and knows how to roll around.
I'm rambling and jumping around a bit in sharing this story. The emotions I felt this morning were similar - all over the place. I've known the protective instinct toward this child that took over my body the moment I found out I was expecting him - but there was never really a moment to this point that put it to a real true test. It also showed me that I can't protect Chase from every form of potential danger in this world. What happened today was an accident, plain & simple. Perhaps an avoidable accident, but we are human and parenthood didn't come with a handbook. We go with our gut instinct every day and hope that it will be enough. I also realize how different a person I am today than in the past. My pain is no longer derived from only within myself, but also from the pain that both Matt & Chase experience. When they hurt, I hurt.
At the end of the day, we are all ok. It probably isn't, in the grand scheme, as big of a deal as it felt to us this morning. Chase will never remember falling off the bed, though it is something that Matt & I will carry with us forever as one of our stumbles in parenthood. The point I suppose is, that we are all human. Mistakes happen. All we can do is love each other and hold on tight. Doesn't make parenthood any easier though, and I can tell you for certain that we will think twice next time before setting Chase down.
How has it been almost a month since my last post??? I feel like I was just sitting down & typing about getting ready to pack for our trip to Maine and suddenly it is a month later!
So, to back it up a bit. We had a FANTASTIC visit to New England. It was all the relaxation we needed and the one on one time with Chase was priceless. It is so much fun for me to get to see my grandparents spend the time with their great grandson. My relationship with my grandparents was an integral part of my upbringing, and my hope for Chase is that he gets that with his grandparents and great grandparents. We also enjoyed showing Chase some of our favorite Maine things - the beach, the coast, LL Bean & Freeport shopping, the Samoset resort (where we got engaged!)...it was just a really wonderful week. I hope Chase grows up to love his time in Maine as much as I do.
We haven't had too many other eventful things aside from our trip in the last month though it seems that life is on full throttle and not showing promises of slowing down - I came down with a horrible cold after getting back home and have been fighting getting my energy back since then.
Chase is growing so fast that I feel like I am trying to capitalize on every second we have with him - every day brings so many new exciting things. From how he moves, to the way he watches us, to his vocal/verbal communication advances. He just amazes me and I have been really emotionally overwhelmed by my ever growing love for him lately. Every laugh and smile makes my heart swell even more than the last and somedays I feel like my insides are just going to burst I am so full of love for this child.
The last few weeks have been crazy! Staci got married and now we are getting ready to head to my most favorite place on earth - Maine! I am so excited to introduce Chase to New England and our family up there that hasn't met him yet. I'll be sure to blog more while I am there since I will have a whole week of relaxation :)
Sweet baby Chase turned 5 months old today! Pictures will follow later this weekend when I get around to uploading them, but had to mark this monumental occasion :)
I can't believe it has been five months since I first met my beautiful baby boy. As I reflect back over the last five months of my life, my heart is taken back to one year ago today. On August 27, 2009 we had our pregnancy confirmed at 6 weeks by ultrasound and I heard the heartbeat of our growing baby for the very first time. I remember the rush of love, anxiety & emotion I felt at that moment and now one year later I have this growing little boy who has brought such joy to my life. It's amazing how full circle this life has become - what an amazing ride!
Tomorrow we are taking full advantage of the warm weather & a clear schedule and doing some fun things with Chase. I live for the weekends these days, and this one is gearing up to be a fantastic one.
We've had a crazy couple of weeks! Last time I posted, Matt had been away for a few days for work and it seems like since he returned home, we've not stopped! On August 16th, we celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary. It was so special this year because since our last anniversary when I was pregnant, our family has grown into a beautiful family of 3 and I feel so blessed over the last year of our married life together.
We also have been completely consumed by the planning & execution of the 2nd Annual Jessica Drew Memorial Golf Outing. It was this past Saturday, 8/21, and it was an even bigger success than I could have ever dreamed of. We had over 140 people in attendance and raised nearly $30,000!!! What a tribute and testament to the incredible life my sister led. It was a lot of work, but was so worth it when we realized what amazing good we were able to do!
Chase also threw a wrench in the mix of the last few week's craziness by going through the 4 month "wakeful period". This is where his cognitive development really kicked it up a notch and the world around him was so interesting that sleep was the bottom of his priority totem pole. He has averaged only about 3 hours of sleep a night the last couple of weeks and it sure added to our exhaustion level! The only benefit to all of it, is that even with little sleep, he is still such a well behaved happy baby that at 3am when he was wide awake he didn't cry, but was just a giggly smiley little boy. I've fallen more in love with him than even before (I didn't know that was possible?!). I love watching him take in the world around him, and see the light he brings to the faces of everyone who looks at him. He was such a trooper the entire day at the golf outing, and after being passed around to tons of people and completely thrown off any form of schedule he had, he stayed so joyful the entire day.
Things are settling a bit now. As I am typing this, Matt is upstairs packing for another overnight trip for work. As much as we miss him and it makes me appreciate our parenting partnership, I do enjoy the one on one time with Chase. Our bond as mommy & baby is so intense - its the most incredible thing I've ever experienced in my life. He is growing so quickly, and now when I look back on the pictures from when he was first born, it makes me realize how much he has grown and changed in just five months.
I am really looking forward to the month of September! First up, we have my best friend Staci's wedding, which is sure to be a magnificent day and then a week later we pack up the car and head to New England for a long awaited vacation! Our first stop will be in Massachusetts for a couple of days to spend some time with Nana & Bub. Then on Sunday we head to Maine for a week of total relaxation. My Nana & Papa's house has always been my place of refuge from the world, and I am so excited to introduce Chase to my favorite place on earth! We are even sneaking in a little family getaway while we are there and heading to the Samoset Resort to spend the night where we got engaged three years ago. It's so amazing what has happened and changed in the last three years - I've had the biggest heartaches and best moments of my life and I'm a much different person today than I was back then. Being a wife & mommy has changed my life for nothing but the better. I can't wait to make memories in my favorite state with my favorite husband, baby & grandparents. What a semi-charmed kind of life we lead :)
For now..here's a picture to show my favorite time of day that Matt caught on film. These moments don't get to happen nearly as often as I would like..but they sure are memorable and I think Chase enjoys them just as much as I do!
Lindsay & Matt got married on the most perfect day in August of 2008 and made their life even more perfect together when we welcomed our sweet baby Chase to the world on March 27, 2010. We live in Hummelstown, PA with our baby, dog Archie & kitties. This blog is a glimpse into our daily lives as we find our way through live, love & parenthood.